Everything feels impossible after a breakup – sometimes this even includes hitting the gym. Charley Ross investigates the best route back to exercise after heartbreak.
We know that regular exercise is good for both body and mind – lowering the risk of disease and reducing symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress.
But when we are going through the most difficult periods in our lives, this mental and physical lift doesn’t always feel available to us. Heartbreak, in particular, can leave you feeling debilitated and exhausted; the gym feels like the last place you want to go as you lick your emotional wounds.
After going through a particularly crushing breakup a few months ago, I found exercise unthinkable for a long time. Thinking rationally, I knew that an endorphin-fuelled run, strength session or spin class would make me forget about my pain for a while, and ultimately put me on a healthy path towards recovery, but I just couldn’t face it.
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All I could focus on was the day-to-day: planning and disciplining my body into exercise did not feel possible. Now that I’ve managed to build something vaguely resembling an exercise routine, I want to find out why my return to fitness felt so difficult.
“We need to be aware that sadness and emotional pain can bring with it physical changes, which in turn can affect our behaviours,” psychologist Audrey Tang explains. She refers to a version of ‘broken heart syndrome’ that researchers at the University of Aberdeen have been looking into. “The heart can be ‘stunned’ when tragedy occurs,” she says, “and we can struggle to regain full physical health.”
In the world of health and fitness, experts will point to the stress hormone cortisol as a key player in defining our reaction to a breakup.
What happens to our bodies when we go through a breakup?
“When we experience heartbreak, our body goes into shock. Stress signals are sent throughout the body via our cortisol, and this leads to anxiety, tiredness, headaches and feeling drained all the time,” PT and mindset coach Saima Husain tells Stylist.
“This higher level of cortisol will impact our mental desire to not train, and the motivation will most likely be to stay in because we can’t bear to face people.”
It’s worth bearing in mind that in the initial throes of heartbreak, the ‘fight or flight mode’ that our body adopts can lead to increased heart rate, stomach cramps, loss of appetite and therefore, occasionally, an energy deficit. Husain warns of the risks of pushing yourself into exercising while you are experiencing these symptoms.
“If you’re trying to exercise while experiencing these symptoms, it’ll only add a greater stress and toll on you physically,” she says. “You may also notice that your strength is not the same as it was prior to the heartbreak.”
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Rejection can impact motivation
At the centre of the mental spiral that can come from heartbreak is rejection, Husain explains. And it’s that which can directly impact our motivation to train.
“This lower self-image impacts our desire to progress and be positive about ourselves, and especially our bodies. We wonder what is wrong with us. If we are in this boat then stepping foot into a gym – surrounded by people – will be overwhelming for some.”
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So, how can you determine the right time to return to the gym after a breakup? Husain stresses the importance of waiting until you’ve resumed some form of a daily routine for at least two weeks. That, at a minimum, should include “getting up on time, eating regular meals and talking with friends”.
When you do make your first tentative steps back, it may feel overwhelming or confusing when trying to pick a workout that feels right. You’re so out of sorts that it feels weird to choose what’s right for you.
Husain says prioritising enjoyment is paramount – this might mean doing workouts that you enjoyed in the past because they’re comforting and familiar. Or, you could opt for a workout type you’ve never done before as a distraction tactic and for the dopamine hit from learning a new skill.
Best types of exercise to do
There are a few workouts that may be the best for relieving the worst side effects of heartbreak.
Strength training
“Strength training allows us to be mindful, because you have to switch off the outside noise so you can brace, lift and execute your lift correctly,” Husain suggests.
HIIT
Hussain also suggests that HIIT is a “great way to let out your frustration, get a good sweat on and be in the zone”. Just be careful not to overdo it, as high-intensity exercise can increase cortisol levels (which may not be ideal if you’re already feeling stressed or anxious).
How to get back into exercise post-breakup
Start small
It’s important to start with small goals when easing yourself back into exercise, Husain says. She recommends starting with a small, realistic target for your number of sessions each week, and then slowly increasing after a month or so as you start to settle back in.
Train with a mate
“Training with a friend is also great,” she adds. “It aids accountability and you are more likely to enjoy and laugh through your session a lot more.”
Avoid toxic goals
During this sensitive and vulnerable time, it’s never been more important to dodge the problematic and damaging trope of the ‘revenge body’. You absolutely don’t need to right your ex’s wrongs by changing how your body looks. Your fitness levels should be an indicator of your own wellness and mental health journey, and linking your efforts to what your ex may think is counterintuitive to your efforts to move on.
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“When setting your goals, be direct with yourself – this journey is for you and no one else,” Husain says. “Think of setting your exercise goals as setting healthy boundaries with yourself. What qualities do you wish to have on your table?”
Focus on a future that you want and how your exercise regime can help get you there: “If feeling happier and confident are on your list, then ask yourself honestly why you wish for this. Knowing your ‘why’ will be your motivation to succeed. Are you wanting to be happier in yourself so you can be more content within your own skin or is this so you can start dating again?”
Whatever your ‘why’ is for getting back to exercise, see it as a tool in your arsenal for navigating your breakup – with exercise as a valuable way of aiding your recovery and renewal, making way for new beginnings.
Images: Getty
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